54.

in the face of incredible odds and performing great feats of derring-do To make the fantasy more real, I would em- ulate Tarzan's leapoard skin loin cloth by wearing my briefs to bed rolled up tightly at hip and groin. As time went on the fantasy became more stylized, and I discovered that my Mother's panty girdles served even more admirably to fit me snugly about the hips and groin.

One night when my parents were out for the evening, I bundled up Mother's girdle, and hurried down to a little wood- ed stream not far from our house. Here I breathlessly acted out my fantasy, stripping myself and wearing the tightly rolled panty girdle, went swinging out over the stream in the trees. This was quite risky as we lived in a rather populated Probably the very real chance of discovery added to

area.

the thrill of the situation.

Then one day I tried on a pir of my Mother's silken panties instead of the girdle--and I was hooked That lus- cious silken softness against my skin -I don't have to des-- cribe it any other TV knows the feeling as well as I From then on, silk and satin was as much a part of my fantasy as the constricting snugness of the girdle Tarzan was start- ing to fade into the background and his mate, Jane, was be- coming more worthy of emulation

1

Apparently at this time I subconsciously was beginning to feel that the struggle to be "all man" as defined by my Father wasn't worth the pain and the effort while there was very real and delicious pleasure in wearing lingerie, as well as comfort in the warmth and gentleness of the woman s world As I grew up I still enjoyed things masculine very much not because they were masculine but because they were fun. Being physically well coordinated as well as slender, I was a good tennis player as well as good in track and diving. I enjoyed working with tools and fixing things, and do to this day Thus my masculine life was not devoid of pleasure Yet the die had been cast -I had donned women's clothes and I liked it